Heavy at Heart
by xxstaindrosesxx
Summary: Genevieve Poineau had always been different, especially since she weighed more than the average woman. None of the guys liked her until things started to change. This is from her POV during her time at Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1: I've Heard It All

I'm Genevieve Poineau and I've went to Hogwarts for six years now. This is my seventh year and the problem is, I'm overweight. Technically, this isn't a problem for me. I've come to live with being overweight. The problem seems to be with everyone else because I think I'm a pretty decent person. I do my homework, I try to treat others with courtesy, and I've actually grown to like myself. I try to wear nice clothes and put on a bit of makeup, but people can just be so cruel because I'm different.

When someone is overweight like me, I tend to hear every insult in the book. I've heard it all from "fat ass," to "tub-o-lard", to "go on a diet," and even "drink a Slim Fast". I'll admit that the Slim Fast comment was pretty inventive, but it still hurt at the time. Most of the time, I just laugh at the insults people throw at me. I've heard them all, so they're overused and lame. People can't come up with anything creative like "You're so fat, people run around you for exercise," or "Every time you jump up and down, it causes an earthquake". Those would actually be creative and might sting, but even then, they're still pretty lame.

Another thing is, I may be overweight, but I absolutely refuse to turn to an eating disorder. I've seen what eating disorders can do to people, and to be honest, I wouldn't want to look like that. I refuse to look like a sack of skin and bones because I have no flesh left on my body. Yes, I may have more curves than most, but it is better than having my hair fall out and looking half-dead because I don't eat. In fact, I actually don't eat as much as people would think. Sometimes I only eat once or twice a day. This usually causes my friends to ask me if I'm anorexic, but they should know better. I would never turn to an eating disorder. The real reason I don't eat sometimes is because I forget, lose track of time, or am just too lazy to make something to eat. By the time I remember that I didn't eat, then it is close to bedtime, so I don't eat anything.

Just because I'm overweight, it doesn't mean I don't have friends. In fact, I do have a couple of friends. I consider them my best friends because they actually know me, instead of someone who has a lot of people around and they only like that person because of appearance. I would rather have someone like me for me, instead of being surrounded by people and still feeling completely alone. That's why Luna Lovegood is one of my best friends. She's in Ravenclaw with me, and she always speaks her mind. If she doesn't like something I say or do, she tells me honestly, instead of trying to protect my feelings. I appreciate that because I grew sick of false pretenses a long time ago.

My other best friend is Savannah Leery. We have been best friends since our first year at Hogwarts. She is in Hufflepuff, but somehow, we've managed to tell each other almost everything and stay close throughout the years. This year is different though. Half of the Hogwarts students aren't returning because Voldemort is on the rise. Parents are scared and mine almost didn't want me to come. I had to reassure my parents that Hogwarts is the safest place to be during this time, even without Dumbledore.

Right now, I'm actually on the Hogwart's Express. I'm sitting in the compartment by myself, reading a book. Eventually, Luna finds me and enters the compartment. She takes a seat across from me. "Hello, Genevieve Poineau." She says, in her typical, dreamy voice. Why she always greets people with their full name, I will never know. I've grown used to it though.

"Hello, Luna." I reply, closing my book. Ginny Weasley enters the compartment a minute or so after Luna. "Don't you two usually sit with Harry and his friends?" I ask, usually never having the privilege of these two sitting on the train with me.

"They're not coming this year," answers Ginny. "They wouldn't really tell anyone what they were doing either. Mum definitely was not happy about it."

I assumed it had something to do with Voldemort, and I couldn't ask anything further because Savannah entered the compartment. "Hey Gen!" She greeted with such enthusiasm. She always called me Gen, and in fact, most people call me Gen because it is easier for them to pronounce then Genevieve.

"Hey Savannah." I reply. She sits down next to me and it's like we're one happy family in this particular compartment. Ginny usually isn't included in our group, but sometimes she does talk to us. It's expected with her being friends with Luna. I've never had a problem with it actually.

After a couple of minutes of us talking about our summer, Neville decides to drop by our compartment. I've never had a problem with Neville. I don't really know him, but I know that he is friends with Luna and Ginny. "Hello, Neville Longbottom." Greets Luna. I try not to snicker because I still find it funny that she greets people like this all the time.

"Hello," replies Neville. "May I sit in here?"

"You're always welcome to sit with us." Ginny states with a smile on her face.

Neville sat down quietly next to Ginny and Luna. This sight reminded me of Dumbledore's Army. It brought back good times because I had fun in the D.A. I actually associate with other people then just my main friends. Luna was the one who convinced me to join. Once I joined, Savannah was close behind. She always had to do the fun things I did. I don't mind really because I like including my friends in the fun things I do.

The trolley lady came around once we were all settled down in the compartment. I'll admit, I do like sugary, sweet snacks, but I do like healthy food just like any regular person. In fact, I love vegetables, fruit, cheese, and even chicken. Everyone just assumes that I always eat junk food because I'm overweight. My real friends know better but occasionally, I enjoy sweets like most people.

"Anything from the trolley, dears?" The little old lady asks with her usual cheery voice.

I wait for everyone else to go first. Neville and Ginny look at me like they were expecting me to go first. I hate it when people assume that an overweight person has to get the food first just because they're overweight. Savannah and Luna knew better. They didn't look at me like that, and they actually went first. Savannah bought some Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans. I swear that girl has an iron stomach because she eats some of the nastiest flavored foods. Luna bought some Droobles. Luna seems like the Droobles type, even though, I'm not sure what the Droobles type is.

Ginny buys a couple of Chocolate Frogs while Neville buys three Pumpkin Pasties. When it's my turn, I buy two Licorice Wands. I plan on saving one for later, although, Neville and Ginny probably think I will eat both. I sit back down and bite into one of the Licorice Wands. It's black licorice flavored, which is my favorite. I just love licorice in general.

"Ewwww!" exclaims Savannah. "Nasal drainage flavored!"

I burst out laughing. "And only you would keep eating it instead of spitting it out." I comment.

"Of course." Savannah grins.

A loud burp comes out of Neville's mouth. We all start laughing loudly except for him. "Good one!" Savannah exclaims.

"Righteous!" I add in. Some people do not appreciate a good burp.

"Excuse me." Neville says, apologizing with his cheeks turning a light shade of red from being embarrassed. "I think I'm done eating and I still have a Pumpkin Pastie left."

Oh here it comes. He's going to offer it to me. The one who weighs the most usually gets offered the extra food. "Do you want my last one?" He asks me.

Bingo! I knew it. "No thanks." I reply.

"Are you sure?" He questions, holding out the Pumpkin Pastie like showing it to me will make me want it. If a person says no, the other person typically presses it. It's like they expect the person to take it anyways. If I refuse something, that person always double checks like I changed my mind within two seconds. This has been happening my whole life. Someone offers me food, I refuse, and then that person still offers me the food. I guess people can't accept a solid no from those who are overweight when it comes to food.

"No thanks." I state again. I hope he gets the point this time.

Savannah starts snickering for no apparent reason. I wonder what she thinks is so funny. Maybe a weird bird flew past the window or something. "What's so funny?" I ask.

"Because he tried to make you take the food," she answered. "I remember your whole bit about how people try to force you to take food just because you're overweight." Poor Neville. She's going to embarrass the poor boy.

Sure enough, his cheeks start turning a deep shade of red. "I didn't mean it like that," he says. "I was just being nice."

I simply shrug. "I'm fat. It's fine," I confess. "People always offer me food because I'm fat. I'm used to it."

"You're not fat." Says Neville. Ah there it is. People who want to be nice to me, or try to be my friend, always tell me I'm not fat. The truth is, I would rather have them admit I'm fat then lie about it to my face. I especially hate it when I talk to someone who is skinny and that person says, 'I'm fat'. If that person is fat, I'd hate to think what that must make me. I hate it when people say they're fat and they're really not. It's even worse when they say it in front of someone who is fat, like me, and then tries to tell you that you're not fat.

Savannah starts laughing. "What's so funny now?" I ask. I swear that girl has the giggle button induced today. However, she does have a really infectious laugh.

"Well, I also remember how you mentioned that you hate it when people tell you you're not fat. You said it's like they're lying to your face." She explains.

"I really don't think you're fat," he repeats. "I mean, I weigh a few extra pounds and I could care less. How much a person weighs has nothing to do with the actual person. It's what's in the inside that counts."

Neville actually made a smile come across my lips. "Thank you." I said graciously. He stated a very good point. People tend to care more about appearance than the actual substance of a person. Personality, morals, and inner beauty are more important than a persons physical appearance.

After a few more hours of sitting on the train, it finally arrived at Hogwarts. The carriages were waiting for students to fill them up. "I have to go find Alex," explained Savannah. "I'll see you guys later." She took off and soon after, Ginny and Luna went their separate ways. I didn't mind having to find my own carriage. They typically went off on their own anyways. Savannah usually rode with me but since she had gotten a new boyfriend, she had been a little more preoccupied lately.

"Want to share a carriage?" Neville asks.

"Sure." I reply. I hop up into the next carriage and Neville follows closely behind. I can't see the Thestrals pulling the carriage, but I know they're there. Luna has told me all about them. It's not that I haven't experienced death in my life, I've just never actually seen somebody die. However, I have lost quite a few people in my life. I'm actually glad I haven't seen any of them die. I think the thoughts would haunt me if I did.

"I really don't think you're fat," confesses Neville. "I offered you the Pumpkin Pastie to be nice. I didn't mean anything by it."

"I know." I reply. I smiled at him, knowing that he really didn't mean anything. He wouldn't be apologizing if he had actually meant anything rude by it. Someone with a non-guilty conscious would have never apologized. What confuses me more, is the fact that Neville is being nice to me. Maybe he likes me. Hah! That would never happen. Overweight girls don't typically have guys wanting to be with them. Guys usually want that really skinny chick. I don't get it and I've never had a boyfriend because guys tend to be more shallow. Oh well. Maybe this year will be different.


	2. Chapter 2: Quite the Conversation

The carriage ride felt a bit awkward for me. I shift in my seat nervously since I always sit with Savannah in the carriages on our way up to the castle, but I understand that this year she wants to sit with her new boyfriend, Alex. At least we sat together and spoke together on the train. Some years, mainly before Luna became friends with Harry and them, I sat with her too, but now she sat with that group of people. To be honest, I never thought in a million years that someone like Neville would choose to sit with me just because he always sat with Harry or Dean Thomas on the train. He didn't even sit with Ginny, but I was more than grateful for the company. It meant having someone to talk to while we approached the castle instead of sitting alone, which often made me feel alone too.

See, you can be completely surrounded by people, and still feel entirely alone, and there are times I feel that way simply because I'm overweight and people do not understand it. All my friends are skinny, or average, and definitely pretty in their own ways, but I don't think I am. If anything, they probably think they're better than me, even deep down or in the back of their mind, whether they say it or not. That's what bothers me the most, that they assume they're better than me because I don't fit into the normal standards of body weight, but really, what is normal in our society today? It seems so many people are overweight, so why does it matter?

As I sat there quietly in my seat, trying not to glance over at Neville, I couldn't help myself and decided to ask a question. No harm ever came from asking a question, right? "Can you see the Thestrals?" I ask since it seems like a legitimate question. He didn't question the carriages moving on their own, and usually those who didn't ask could already see them or at least had some sort of knowledge about the creatures. From drawings I had seen, they were quite ugly, but majestic in their own sort of way. I admire that, especially because something so horrible - death - allowed something so mysterious to be seen. Just another wonder of the magical world that I love. Not to mention, it also meant the most awkward of individuals could be special, myself included. It was like that saying about how people should never judge a book by its cover. Just because Thestrals are ugly on the outside, or I'm overweight, doesn't mean Thestrals or myself are any less important then anyone else in the world.

Neville's gaze turned towards me and away from the window he had previously stared out of seconds before. "Yes, I can see them due to a relative passing away some years ago. Can you?" He asks me, his tone of voice displaying no sign of discouragement or sadness because of the relative he lost. Either Neville had moved on from the death, or closeness was something the two never shared. That typically made the most sense when someone died and the other had been so young at the time of the death.

I shook my head, unable to see the creatures, but at least knowing about them, and seeing them in drawings, was at least good enough. At least I knew what they looked like instead of knowing nothing about them at all. "No, I can't see them, and I wouldn't mind seeing them, but the only way to see them doesn't sound like something I want to experience." I mention, glad to never see death since the very thought of it scared the living daylights out of me, ironically.

Then it happened. Neville brought up the brewing war, how Voldemort was at Hogwart's front door, at least metaphorically speaking. Things were brewing in the darkness that no one understood, and those who did were probably six feet under already and silenced for their knowledge. "With the war, I think more people will be seeing Thestrals soon." He uttered quietly, glancing out the window as if focused on something in the distance. I didn't blame him one bit. Death and war was enough to scare anyone half to death, and with the horrendous occurrences in the wizarding world at the very moment, and the whispers and rumors spreading like wildfire, no one was safe. Not even those inside Hogwarts, despite everyone claiming it was the safest place to be. No matter what, I had lied to my mother about being safe at Hogwarts simply to go back for my last year. I thought it was better to go to school than sit at home feeling sorry for myself while those around me were putting up a good fight. It only made me a coward if I stayed behind. By the tone of Neville's voice, perhaps that is the same reason he chose to attend Hogwarts too, to make a stand. Besides, he had friends involved deeply in this whole process, including Harry himself, and Ron and Hermione since all three had not showed up for Hogwarts.

At first I had no idea how to respond to Neville, my pale fingers twirling around my long dark hair as I tried to think of what to say to him. What did one say in these sorts of situations? Telling him everything would be okay was a complete and utter lie because none of us knew what would happen. Only time would tell. "True, but that also means everyone who can see them can relate to each other and realize they united for a purpose, a cause." I responded since it had popped into my head. The thought of being to see Thestrals with hundreds of other people who stood by my side during some horrific war, that felt absolutely amazing and special, and it hadn't even happened yet! Maybe it never would, but the prospect sounded interesting enough.

After my statement, Neville glanced over at me, a look of surprise washing over his somewhat handsome features. Okay, so I thought Neville was handsome, but that didn't make me a criminal, now did it? Sure, there were other boys in the school ten times more handsome than him, but most of them I thought were nothing more than assholes who dated the hottest girls in the school and referred to those girls as arm candy. Disgusting, if I ever said so myself. Something about the way he gazed at me caused a shiver to course through my spine. Maybe he understood completely.

"That's true," he responded with hesitation before carrying on, "but that's a horrible way for people to come together." He sighed, and I sensed something wrong with him, as if I had stirred up some past memory he didn't quite want to think about. That was never my intention at all, but sometimes I had a way with words that not even my closest friends understood. While Luna had a habit of always calling people by their first and last name, or saying something ridiculous out of the blue in regards to one of the many creatures she believed in, I had a way of saying things that involved truth and wisdom. It annoyed the hell out of some people, including Savannah, but she didn't think anything less of me for it. The Hufflepuff in her really shined through during those times.

"I know it is, but if people have to come together, it's better for them to do so in a way that gives them hope." I responded and had no idea what to say after that. If I kept opening my mouth, surely Neville would want nothing further to do with me. I have a problem with that sometimes. I don't know when to back down and then it gets me in trouble, but I felt strongly about this. People came together all the time during disasters like hurricanes and tornadoes, even earthquakes. People bonded over death and birth itself, so I didn't see how this was any different if multiple people were going to die and those left behind who witnessed the deaths could bond together over one common magical gift, no matter how horrid that gift may be.

Neville smiled faintly at me for the briefest of moments. Apparently he did understand what I was trying to say all along. "I guess I get that. I mean, it's better to have people bond over something so awful than have nothing at all when it's all over." To be honest, that sounded a bit like Neville spoke from experience, but I chose not to ask anything about it. It was none of my business, and although I had a way of saying things and pushing a bit too far, I knew when not to pry and ask questions. I knew how to mind my own business, and this was one of those moments.

After Neville responded, I noticed something missing from our conversation. The sound of gravel crunching against the wheels of the carriage and dirt being pushed away no longer sounded in the background. In fact, the carriage no longer moved, indicating that we had stopped. Being so caught up in the conversation, I had no clue our carriage had stopped in front of Hogwarts, ready for us to depart and enter the Great Hall for the beginning of the year feast and festivities. As much as I always hated being surrounded by a ton of food for people to glance at me questioningly as if I might eat everything in sight, I rather enjoyed watching the first years being sorted into their houses. I had nothing to gain from watching them other than my own personal amusement at how nervous they all looked, as if some might even puke right up there in front of everyone. If I had done that on my first day of school, I'm not sure I would have returned to Hogwarts, or requested to go home the very next day in order to avoid embarrassment from everyone.

As I was about to step out of the carriage, Neville stepped out in a hurry, hopping down onto the slightly muddy ground beneath. It had rained earlier in the day, as it often rained in this country. Sometimes I wondered why they didn't build Hogwarts in a nice warm place like Bermuda, Hawaii, or Jamaica or something along those lines. At least then we could be outdoors more and Quidditch matches wouldn't need to be played in some of the fiercest weather ever. Still, that was besides the point when Neville offered me his hand in order to step out of the carriage. Smiling, I took it carefully, hoping my had was not all sweaty, and hopped down into the mud. My shoes were going to track a bit of mud inside, but I didn't care at this moment. Staring into Neville's eyes for a moment, I had to tear myself away, removing my hand gingerly from his own. How embarrassing for me to act like a fool, but he had caught me off guard. I did not expect such chivalry from him, especially a boy in general.

Even Neville acted a bit awkward, smiling sheepishly from embarrassment before wiping his hand on his pants. I have no idea if he did this because my hand was sweaty, or his had become sweaty due to the situation. Scratching the back of his head momentarily, Neville glanced up at me, able to look me in the eyes after the whole awkward event. "I need to go sit with Gryffindor, so I'll see you around?" He questioned before walking off slowly, not giving me much time to answer. Apparently he really was that nervous about helping me out, but hey, I didn't complain. If he wanted to take off and find his friends, that was fine with me. Besides, I had to go sit at the Ravenclaw table anyways. No sense in delaying the inevitable.

Now on my own, I ventured into the castle and found my way to the Great Hall. I had taken this trip only five times before since first years took the boats over, meaning the path was a bit different. Still, this would be my sixth and final time entering the Great Hall in this fashion, and it felt strange, like a bit of dread forming in the back of my mind. My heart sunk at the thought of not returning to this place I called home for nine months out of the year. I had so many memories, and yet they would soon be nothing more than figments of memories unable to be recalled in the future. All the friends I made would soon drift away and probably forget all about me, but I hoped not. At least I had nine more months to make Hogwarts the best place possible, even though the war brewing outside made it likely that my goal would not be achieved.

Entering the Great Hall, I walked over to the Ravenclaw table and sat down. I noticed something strangely different this year. The tables for each house were half empty, students no longer filling the wooden spaces as they did other years. It was also incredibly quiet, as if students were scrutinized for talking in the Great Hall. That seemed foolish since every year it was the loudest place in Hogwarts, especially during the first night of the year. For it to be this quiet, with students speaking in nothing more than hushed whispers, my heart started to pound in combination with the sinking feeling from earlier. This really was going to be a war.

Spotting Luna at the Ravenclaw table, I sat down quietly. Despite the quietness and obvious dread filling the room, Luna's expression remained as bubbly and carefree as ever. This did not affect her one bit, and if it did, she hid it well. Sometimes I wished I had her kind of innocence where nothing could ever phase me, not even the death of a family member. She had lost her mother before ever living through some of the most important years of her life. I had lost my own mother and only lived with my father, yet it tore at me every single day. All of the events she would never be able to witness - not even my Hogwarts graduation - it hurt to my very core. I missed her, and I had no idea how Luna managed to get by every day with the knowledge her mother was gone and still carrying such a composed demeanor. Of course, I didn't go around moping and appeared normal most of the time, but there were moments when I thought of her or some event or something someone said reminded me of her. I just didn't know how the girl did it.

At least sitting next to Luna I felt a bit more comfortable. The girl smiled at me happily, even commenting about the pudding she hoped to eat later. Glancing around the Great Hall, I noticed every house was just as empty as Ravenclaw, but I spotted Ginny and Neville sitting over at the Gryffindor table. The two were emerged in a conversation, and although they were friends long before I had ever met either of them, a pang of envy struck me like no other. I have no idea where it came from, but I was suddenly upset that they were talking, that I couldn't be there talking to him. Maybe they liked each other. What am I saying? Of course Neville likes Ginny. She's pretty and half of the boys in school are already crazy about her. Those thoughts coursed through my mind until Neville waved over at us, smiling briefly. That's when I noticed something even more horrific about the Great Hall.

Snape was sitting in the Headmaster's chair. How could this be? Snape hadn't even been at Hogwarts as long as some of the other professors, and yes, Dumbledore had died, but Snape? Many people thought he couldn't be trusted, and while I didn't know the man, I didn't particularly like his attitude towards others. He always looked at me strangely, as if judging me for my weight. He even made a small comment one time about how if I focused more on my studies instead of what I ate, that perhaps I would have better marks. So Potions wasn't my greatest class at Hogwarts, but he didn't need to say such things. He didn't even know how I ate, so he had no right to say anything. However, that was besides the point at the moment. Snape treated a lot of students in a horrible fashion, and yet there he sat in the Headmasters chair.

Shortly after most of the students entered the Great Hall and had settled down - not that much settling needed to happen with the already quiet room nearly deafening me - the sorting ceremony began. One boy in particular, a pudgy looking first year with blonde hair wrinkled his forehead once the Sorting Hat was placed upon his head. Sadly, it looked as if the kid was constipated and trying to go to the bathroom right there on the small stool in front of the entire school. It didn't help that the Sorting Hat took nearly five minutes to make his decision before finally placing the kid in Hufflepuff. I was rather glad he hadn't been placed in my house after the whole poop face incident. The rest of the students were sorted in no time, even a couple being placed in Ravenclaw. Usually every year at least five to ten students were sorted into each house, and this year it appeared to be only a couple. Enough parents were scared to not even send their children to Hogwarts. Perhaps none of the schools were safe though.

After the ceremony, Snape stood up and walked to the podium to give his beginning of the year speech, I nearly puked. Then again, his greasy hair was enough to puke over anyways. He rambled on about some of the same things Dumbledore usually spoke of like the Forbidden Forest being off limits to all first years. This wasn't news to anyone other than the first years, but something else about his speech irked me beyond belief. He introduced two new professors to Hogwarts, calling them Alecto and Amycus Carrow. Alecto was chosen to teach Muggle Studies, the other, Defense Against the Dark Arts. Neither looked pleasant and I had my suspicions they weren't qualified to actually teach at Hogwarts no more than Snape was qualified to be Headmaster. They were probably Death Eaters, but no one would dare speak up and try to say it to their faces.

Luckily the speech did not last long, and then the food appeared. I had to admit, I felt pretty starved after only eating two licorice wands on the train ride to Hogwarts. I didn't eat anything prior, and so I filled my plate, scarfing down as much food as possible before having to retire to my dorm. Besides, I could never sleep on an empty stomach, and with this being my only meal of the day, plus the amazing food Hogwarts had to offer, I felt I deserved the right to indulge. Of course, that didn't stop a few students from staring at me, and even a couple of boys seated a few spots down from me from calling me a pig and then laughing about it. How original. Really, it was just pathetic, so I ignored them since it wasn't anything I hadn't heard before in the past. No way would I allow them to ruin my meal because they just weren't worth it.

That had to be another misconception about overweight people. It seemed as if everyone thought just because you weren't skinny that you couldn't have good self-esteem. While sometimes I felt a bit down, other times I felt great and could care less what others thought about me or my appearance. They thought if they put you down, that you automatically had to get upset and cry like a baby or something. I thought it was so stupid, and tried to ignore them even further instead of giving them what they wanted. People got off on causing others harm and pain, so I chose to ignore it which seemed to only piss them off further. I had learned their tricks though, and so my self-esteem remained intact for the most part.

By the time I had finished eating, Luna had finished her pudding and looked even happier than before, if such a thing was possible. Still, the two of us were done, and instead of sitting around at the table looking like a couple of freaks, the two of us decided to head to our common room. I had considered saying goodnight to Neville, but with the thought of those two new professors at Hogwarts, and Snape in charge, I had a lot on my mind. Not only was Neville on my mind from the conversation in the carriage and in the compartment on the train, I was worried about what would happen to Hogwarts, my friends, and myself in general. It didn't seem safe anymore, and as I went back to my dorm that night, thinking about all of this, I realized my last year at Hogwarts may not be safe or as great as I thought it would be after all.


	3. Chapter 3: Study Buddies

A couple of weeks had passed since the beginning of the year festivities, and honestly, I can say, things are more dreary then ever. A few students have already left the school and returned home after parents received rather horrendous letters from their children which mentioned suffering abuse at the hands of certain professors within the school. I knew those Carrow siblings were trouble the very moment I laid eyes upon them. Amycus, the one teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, had seventh years performing the Cruciatus Curse on first years. As soon as I heard, I skipped that class session and didn't care if my grade suffered for it. At this point, I had no problem missing that class or Muggle Studies to avoid either Carrow professor. While Defense Against the Dark Arts might be important for my NEWT level examinations, I just have the feeling at this point that there won't be any examinations, not with things being so horrible only two weeks into the school year.

Despite a couple of classes being short of fun, I still had other classes to attend. The other professors seemed to be pulling through, even if their behavior was anything less than exciting. I didn't blame them, knowing what they must be going through, to be forced to teach in Hogwarts like it was a prison. They either taught or were persecuted for being a traitor. At least that was my theory since McGonagall and a few others like Professor Sprout seemed anything but happy. They were sullen, and lectures taught in monotone voices half the time. At least they tried to appear strong and picked up their tone of voice on occasion to try and help the students not be just as scared and worried as I could sense they were.

Having other classes to attend meant I had homework. Although the Carrow siblings seemed to lack the ability to give proper amounts of homework or even teach the appropriate curriculum, the other professors did not. McGonagall assigned more homework than I knew what to do with, and I had this feeling she had only done this to give the students a sense of normalcy they were lacking with the war being at Hogwarts since the school was already infiltrated with those two monsters teaching at the school, if one could call it teaching. I appreciated the amount of homework though since it helped me keep my mind off of things.

Since the first day of school, I had not spoken to Neville or Ginny. They weren't exactly apart of the group I hung out with, but it seemed strange. Maybe I was being paranoid. I spent time with Luna and Savannah, and surely if Luna had heard anything horrible had happened to Ginny or Neville, she would have mentioned since she was closest to them out of the three of us. Savannah still carried on though, dating her boyfriend and driving me nuts with everything she told me had happened between them, even going into great detail about how her clothes had nearly come completely off. I didn't need to hear that, and so trying to avoid Savannah and keep up with my homework, I chose to head to the library and work on my ridiculously long Transfiguration essay McGonagall assigned.

While most students sat in the back of the library to avoid getting into trouble since they goofed around, or even to make out in the back stacks of the library, I chose the back because people left me alone. For one, I had no interest in Savannah finding me at this point and telling me more about her relationship with Alex and how they had nearly done the horizontal mambo as she so cleverly called it. I had every intention of getting this essay done, and the only way to do so was to not be disturbed by people I knew. The people who might disturb me by causing trouble or even snogging in the back stacks didn't bother me. I had no problem working through a bit of noise, but when someone was directly talking to me and going on about her boyfriend's package, I just could not concentrate. As much as I loved Savannah, she really needed to know when to shut up and realize she was giving me too much info.

Entering the library, I walked past the librarian, giving her a curt nod, not that she cared one bit. The woman appeared to hate her job, probably from the years of scolding children from talking too loud in the library and kicking them out for doing who knows what. I had heard rumors of people even having sex in the library and shook my head at the thought every time. Libraries were meant for education and learning in general, most of all, research. People who wanted to have sex needed to go find a private room to do it in instead of interrupting those who wanted a friendly learning environment, not one that involved two people getting friendly with each other.

Finding my table in the back of the library, I tossed my bag on top of the table and quickly began pulling out my books, parchment, ink, and any other essentials I might need to complete my homework. I had no idea how long I would be in the library, but it didn't matter. I didn't have class for another three hours or so, which gave me plenty of time to get this essay done and over with. Then I only had three or more essays to go with the other classes I had to take this year for my career goal. People really did not understand the amount of work it went into certain things, and to become a shop owner, hell, it took a lot of classes just to own a shop! Sometimes I thought it was a crock of shit though considering the Weasley Twins had successfully opened a shop without even graduating Hogwarts, so maybe I needed to rethink this one. Okay, so honestly, achieving in these classes was just a personal goal, not really a career goal, but with being a Ravenclaw, I set my standards high.

Anyways, I began to work on my essay, skimming through my textbook and a couple of other books I had managed to scrounge up from other people, and began writing my essay. The material was boring, something about transfiguring yourself into inanimate objects for diversion tactics during war. There were rumors about Professor Slughorn being able to turn himself into an arm chair, but I had a feeling McGonagall was teaching us this in order to help protect ourselves during this war. Still, the material was pretty damn boring. How did one write an essay two feet long on nothing more than transfiguring ones self into an inanimate object?

I felt completely bored up until I heard a familiar voice asking to sit down at my table. Glancing up from my ever-so-boring essay, my brown eyes fell upon none other than Neville Longbottom. I had not seen him since the first night at Hogwarts, and to see he was alive and well caused a bit of relief to flow through my body, so much so that I let out a breath and my shoulders slouched. I nodded to him though, allowing him to sit down at my table even though I came here for the quiet to avoid talking to anyone in general, but this was Neville, and he had not spent the past week or so annoying me with awkward personal conversations involving a significant other.

"Are you working on the Transfiguration essay? I can't seem to find enough information for mine, and to be honest, McGonagall scares me just a little bit these days, although not as much as Snape." Neville mentioned, placing his bag next to him and a couple of books on the table as he let out a huff of air. I had to admit, McGonagall was being pretty harsh these days, but with everything going on, I couldn't exactly blame her. However, him being more afraid of Snape seemed logical, although rather hilarious in the process. To not be afraid of him was foolish, but at the same time, Snape looked like a greasy rat with his hair and the same outfit he wore all the time.

Nodding in response, I calculated my response carefully, bringing about that wisdom once more. "Well, I imagine she's doing so in order to give us a bit of normalcy around here. She could be making up for the lack of interest the Carrows have in teaching us anything of value. I do have to say, Snape is pretty creepy though, but he doesn't scare me that much, not even as Headmaster." My explanation sounded a bit lengthy, but I meant every word of it. Snape looked like nothing more than a lost puppy dog - or a really ugly puppy dog - in Hogwarts. He didn't seem to fit the role very well, while the Carrows enjoyed their new authoritative roles which allowed them to punish students as they saw fit. That usually meant torture of some sort, but no one bothered to stop them, at least not yet.

Neville frowned, his brow furrowing in worry. The dark green hopeless looking sweater he wore matched his expression perfectly, and at first I thought I had said something wrong until he spoke. "With everything going on, I have been thinking of using the Room of Requirement to hide students there, especially those under attack by the Carrows. My only problem is we don't know how to get food and water in since it can't provide that." To say I was shocked by his confession was an understatement. To even dream of such ideas felt crazy, but it sounded like a great idea too. People needed a safe haven, and so far there was nowhere for anyone to hide other than the Room of Requirement, but eventually people needed food and water, meaning they had to come out of hiding just as soon as they went in.

"If I think of any ideas, I'll let you know. I think it is a really smart idea though." I smiled at Neville to try and cheer him up. I don't know why, but he looked incredibly down at the moment. With that thought, I reached out and placed my hand over his own, which had rested on top of the table while he sat. For a moment, I didn't think of the consequences, just pure comfort. Everyone at Hogwarts needed it these days, except those backing Voldemort.

To my surprise, Neville did not pull his hand away and looked at me with an expression quite blank. I had no idea what he was thinking, but it irked me to see nothing written on his face. "Thanks," he uttered quietly before slowly pulling his hand away, which I didn't take offense to since he didn't do it abruptly. Usually people who were offended or disgusted made such faces and pulled away quickly, and Neville did not.

Then I noticed something else. Neville's expression changed to one of what appeared to be confusion and hurt. "Sometimes I wish Harry would have filled me in on his plan, or included me in his decisions. I know I shouldn't be thinking those sorts of things because he's my friend, but they left. They left us all here, not knowing what is going on. I wanted to help, like in Dumbledore's Army, and sometimes I feel so useless." He confessed, his eyes staring down at the table, and for a brief moment, my heart went out to him. I could feel my own heart sinking momentarily, feeling the hurt and regret of knowing such pain. I had been left out in several situations in the past, although nothing as bad as this. I had no idea what to say, how to respond, until something came to mind without going through the normal filters I typically use.

"Everyone has their own path and purpose. Maybe yours is to be here at Hogwarts and do something great without them." I shrugged and glanced down at my essay, writing a bit more since I still had my quill in hand. I didn't want to make it sound like that big of a deal, but if it cheered Neville up, that's all that mattered.

A soft smile formed over his handsome features once more, which I only partially noticed due to my eyes glancing up momentarily while quickly looking back towards my essay. Looking at him too much might give him some sort of clue that I found him handsome, and I didn't want to suffer through the heartbreak of him turning me down flat or simply calling me a friend because of my appearance. That had to be one of the hardest things for me throughout the years. It seemed as if every guy who ever spoke to me and treated me as a really amazing friend, had no interest in me beyond that friendship. I chucked it up to all being about my appearance, and while none of them ever said such things, I just knew it. They had dated skinnier girls, and had no interest in dating me, even calling me a sister or a good friend, but not having any feelings for me beyond that. I knew Neville would feel the same, so why even get my hopes up? I already had those hopes squashed so many times that it didn't seem necessary to put in the effort with Neville either. I would like him as a friend, and it would stay that way, no matter how hard it was with him sitting right there and looking attractive.

Instead of addressing my comment, Neville chose to change the subject with a rather interesting proposition. "We should meet here sometimes and study together. It seems safe enough, and with everything going on, I could use the extra help in my studies." He half frowned and smiled at the same time. Not sure if that is possible, but Neville did it. Unfortunately, I knew exactly how he felt. The overload of homework with this being our NEWT level examination year, and the professors trying to give us normalcy was already getting to me, and we hadn't even reached a Quidditch match yet, or Halloween. Then again, I had no idea if the school intended on having Quidditch this year. There was no mention of tryouts since school started, and usually the Quidditch Captains for each house jumped all over on that opportunity as soon as the school year started. Developing teams had to be one of the most important things for them, and since I hadn't heard anything, I started to think Quidditch was a no go.

"Sounds like a plan to me!" I exclaimed like a complete and utter idiot. Surely Neville would think I was a dork now, but he simply grinned at me as if he was amused by my sudden outburst.

Smiling broadly, I sheepishly started twirling my hair like I had done during our carriage ride up to the school when trying to figure out my response. Of course, I had my response already available, but honestly, I didn't want to sound like one of those ridiculously giddy girls again. Sometimes I sounded like that anyways, but I tried not to. The only reason I even had long hair to twirl had more to do with my round face and the long hair covering it. People with fat, rounder faces really needed to have long hair to help that problem. One time when I had gotten my hair cut at a salon, the woman explained to me how fat people should never have short hair because it makes them look fatter. While most people would take offense, this woman was fat too, and so I understood completely. At least she knew what she was talking about instead of being some skinny chick opening her stupid mouth.

"We could meet up here whenever we have homework in the same classes that seems like too much." Neville suggested, and I simply nodded. No need to sound foolish once more. The only thing we had to discuss now was which classes we had that were the same. After quickly going over that subject, the two of us then began working on our essay in silence, only asking each other questions when the other felt completely lost. It made time fly by quicker, and my essay felt more full as if I had more information than I would have by doing it alone.

Within the weeks that followed, Neville and I spent significantly more time together. The librarian began to smile brightly at us, more like frown as happily as possible, if such a thing existed. Maybe she thought the two of us were dating, and I had to admit, I wondered the same thing. We met in the library at least two or three times a week now after our initial agreement, and things moved along swiftly. While we didn't speak too much due to the homework load, we had very little to talk about other than the actual homework assignments. That was until Neville asked me something I would never forget.

"Do you think Luna is interested in me?" The question hit me in the chest, just like a sharp blow from a fist. I had no idea why he would be interested in Luna other than the obvious Dumbledore's Army association and general connection to Harry and his other friends, but for him to ask such a question, well, it hurt. I thought maybe he wanted to be more than friends, and yes, I had promised myself not to get worked up and think such thoughts, but maybe just once someone could be different. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

What I did next, I really had no excuse for my reaction other than my own obvious hurt feelings. Perhaps I should have spoken up, but call me foolish, I had typical romantic fantasies of boys being chivalrous when it came to asking a girl out and showing their affections. "If you're hinting at me asking Luna, you can do so yourself. Quite frankly, I don't think she has time to worry about such things since her father is taking such slack for what he's published about Harry in the Quibbler." I responded sharply with a hint of anger in my voice. Instead of acting like a rational sane individual, I picked up my belongings and quickly shoved them into my bag. This study session was over, even if I appeared to be a fool. I didn't have the emotional strength to be around him after his question, even if it was nothing more than a question.

Neville appeared startled by my outburst, which I expected nothing less. He stood up just as quickly as I had, but stood in place. I could sense he debated whether or not to follow in suit, but he looked confused more than anything. "Did I say something wrong? I wasn't implying you should ask Luna anything." The last half of his sentence became rather low in volume, as if he now felt guilty for his previous question, which did indicate he had every intention of me speaking to Luna for him.

Instead of causing any further damage or making a big scene in the library to irritate the librarian even more than she appeared every other day out of the year, I simply finished gathering up my items and flung my bag over my shoulder. "No, I just need to get going. I forgot I was going to meet Savannah in a bit so she could tell me more about Alex." I rolled my eyes at the thought and flashed Neville a fake smile before leaving the library. Perhaps I came off as incredibly bitchy and moody, but he had upset me. I got my hopes up, and look where it got me. Neville had feelings for Luna, and not me, not even after all the time we had spent together.

With my lie lingering there in the air, I walked out of the library. Little did I know that Neville would see Savannah without me shortly after the incident. If the war slowly brewing inside the walls wasn't bad enough, my life had started to become rather dramatic, more so than I ever intended it to be. Unfortunately, overweight girls just don't win the guy. I can't believe I thought someone might like me.


	4. Chapter 4: Avoidance Leads to Fights

I had every intention of not speaking to Savannah after the incident with Neville, mainly because I had no interest in explaining to her what had happened, and no interest in listening to her discuss her endeavors with her boyfriend. I managed to avoid her for a couple of days, but as those days passed, my mood started to progress even further. Neville glanced at me from across the Great Hall during meal times, yet I ignored him. I had no idea why I had to be so rude, but pretending not to see him look, that was better than him knowing I was intentionally ignoring him. Every time he glanced my way, I quickly cast my eyes in a different direction and spoke to Luna about something unimportant or asked her a question. At least then it appeared as if maybe Luna had asked me a question and I was simply answering her.

While I ignored Neville, my mood turned even more sour, and Savannah began to notice, despite my efforts to ignore her as well, although I referred to it as avoidance. I often felt her hazel eyes prying down on me from the Hufflepuff table, and when I spotted blonde hair waving in the distance, I turned the other way and pretended not to notice for fear it might be Savannah. Unfortunately, my efforts were not worthy enough of permanence. As I walked down the hallway coming back from one of my classes, Savannah managed to catch up to me. Kind of inevitable when we had the same Charms class together. At least Flitwick seemed remotely cheery, quite unlike myself at the moment.

"Are you really going to try and avoid me? Come on, I'm like the queen of avoidance here. I once ignored Alex for an entire week before he got the message, and even then he was completely clueless to a certain extent, so if you're trying to ignore me, it's not going to work. I can sense something is wrong. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but I will try to pry it out of you, so you might as well just confess." Savannah let out one big sigh as she ended her little rant. Little did she know, I could care less about her ignoring Alex for a week during one point and time. All of her attention focused on Alex ever since we arrived at Hogwarts, and now she wanted me to talk to her? To tell her what was wrong? I didn't want to tell her, but I knew she would pry. That's just the kind of person Savannah had always been. While the Hufflepuff in her reigned supreme by trying to talk to her friends about problems, I often wondered why she was placed in the house of the Badger for that kind of behavior at the same time. She may have been incredibly loyal to people at times, but often her personality screamed that of a Slytherin, and I hated it.

"Ignore you? I think you need to restate that. You're the one ignoring people ever since you started dating Alex, so perhaps you should just mind your own business instead of interfering with my life. Go interfere with his." I shot back and knew automatically she would throw a fit and some sort of scene. Savannah had a very explosive personality at times, and often burst out with the first thing to pop into her mind, while I tried to contemplate what I said before speaking, even if at the moment I had a hard time keeping up with my own behavior due to being emotionally retarded at this present time.

Savannah actually took a step back, and for one moment, I thought she might snap her finger and give me a 'bitch please' or something along those lines. Instead, she snapped right back at me, not helping the situation one bit, but that was just Savannah. She may be my best friend, but sometimes I wondered why I put up with her. Other people had asked me the same thing, and I told them someone had to do it. Maybe that made me an awful person, but I just didn't care.

"Excuse me? I can't help it that I have a boyfriend and you don't. It's not my fault that guys are shallow and don't want to date fat chicks. Yes, I said it. Guys don't want to date fat chicks, but it's not like you try to lose weight either. If you want to be jealous, you have no one to blame but yourself." Savannah snapped back at me and every word of it hurt. While I merely stated how I felt, she took it to a whole other level by using the fat card on me. I can't believe my best friend had just said this to me. For a moment all I did was stand in the hallway in complete and utter shock, the words stinging me to my very core. By the time I recovered, the only thing that came to mind was anything short of a comeback.

"Fuck you!" I shouted back at her and stormed down the hallway, even though every essence of my being wasn't even angry at the moment. While she had surely pissed me off with her words, another part of me actually believed them, even more so coming from my best friend. I knew it wasn't true though, but I just couldn't help myself, digging that hole even deeper. I already felt horrible about the Neville situation, which seemed so silly since I swore I wouldn't get my hopes up, and that's exactly what I did. Now this, I had no idea what to think or do. Savannah and I had some fights in the past, but she never turned to using any fat comments for her arguments.

Savannah did not understand. I struggled with my weight all my life. Trying diets and exercising didn't work. Even drinking water and no sugary drinks had hardly any affect either. People assumed I was fat due to being lazy, and while I didn't get nearly enough exercise, whenever I did, and ate nothing but salads for a week, not even that helped me. I accepted long ago that I would be fat for life, and I thought Savannah had too, but apparently not. Now I had to rethink whether or not she was my best friend. Maybe Luna could give me some insight into all of this, but I didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment. Luna might be my friend, but I knew for a fact she would have very little to say, or say some comment that made absolutely no sense. That's just how she worked, and I accepted that, unlike other people who had failed to accept me for me.

As I hurried back to the Ravenclaw Common Room, I wanted to head straight up to my dorm and simply toss my bag onto the floor, letting the books hit the floor with the bang. However, people in the common room were carrying on about something, throwing a fit and gossiping about some students and something major that had just happened. Deciding to listen in, I heard a couple of names mentioned that I knew all too well. Apparently Luna, Neville, and Ginny had tired to steal the sword of Gryffindor from Snape's office. A group of third years, who I had overheard explaining this, made sure to start questioning what kind of punishment Snape would give them. One snotty blonde haired boy sneered and sounded cocky as he come up with some elaborate scheme, claiming Snape would simply sick the Carrows on them since they were already punishing first years with the Cruciatus Curse. No sooner then I heard the news did Luna walk right into the common room, looking as normal as ever.

Not even Luna's clothes appeared disheveled as I hurried over to her in order to discover the real truth instead of listening to the ramblings of some idiotic third years who liked nothing more than gossip and rumors. "Luna!" I exclaimed in a hushed whisper. "Are you alright? What happened?"

Glancing up at me with dreamy eyes and a smile, Luna's face glimmered fearlessly. "Oh nothing too important." She responded in that hushed tone of hers. "Neville, Ginny, and myself tried to take the sword of Gryffindor from Snape's office since we feel it belongs to Harry, and we were caught. Professor Snape was very reasonable and only gave us a detention. Perhaps he is not as bad as people say." Luna smiled, blinking momentarily as she looked at me, almost in a scrutinizing manner, perhaps trying to decipher if I needed further information, or how I might react to the news. How she remained so calm and yet carried on about Snape being nice was beyond me.

I don't care if Snape gave them all hugs and kisses for their efforts. What they had done was beyond dangerous, and perhaps the fact Luna and Neville didn't think to include me stung a bit. While I understood Ginny having no interest in talking to me since she was mainly friends with Luna and Neville, Luna not asking me to help hurt, while Neville, well, I hadn't exactly been on the best of terms with him lately. "Maybe if you had a fourth person there to keep a lookout, you wouldn't have been caught." I nearly scolded her and felt horrible about it the next minute. With Luna's innocence, it seemed wrong to ever say anything rude to her, but I couldn't help but feel a bit left out.

My snide remark had no affect on Luna as she simply tilted her head to the side a little as if some foreign creature examining an unknown entity on Earth for the first time. "Are you mad at me?" She inquired, her tone of voice even and non-judgmental. How she was able to stay so calm and not curse people for their behavior towards her throughout the years, was a miracle. People treated Luna rather poorly, calling her Loony Lovegood and hiding her possessions around the school. She claimed it was in good fun, but I knew otherwise. Maybe she realized there was no point in worrying about such things.

Letting out a sigh, I knew there was no point in being upset further about not being included. Besides, the real reason I was upset stemmed from Neville and the fight with Savannah. No need to bring Luna into this too. "No, I'm just upset about a fight I had with Savannah, and a few other things." At least by speaking to Luna, I didn't feel the need to hide things. She didn't judge me, although she had very little to say either.

"You should speak to Neville. I believe he is very fond of you." Luna smiled as she suddenly knew what I was upset about. To say it caught me off guard would be an understatement, but somehow Luna picked up on more than anyone I had ever known. While people thought her to be childish and naïve, they lacked the truth about the Ravenclaw. Her quiet demeanor and often dream-like dazes led to her picking up on her surroundings more than most. Maybe I was the only person to ever realize this, so when she said that to me, I was caught off guard, but not entirely.

"Hah!" I uttered under my breath in disbelief. No way in hell did Neville fancy me. If only Luna knew the question he had asked me that led to this mood I was in right now. No doubt, Neville had mentioned it to her, how I was ignoring him the past few days. He probably wanted a bit of insight into my behavior, and if anyone knew, it would be Luna due to us sharing the same house and being friends and all. Lame on his part though. Boys had no concept of the rules when it came to girls. Girls did not go around telling boys how their friends felt unless to seek revenge on that friend or because they thought the boy might genuinely like said friend and hope to hook the two of them up. Luna knew better, and so even if Neville had mentioned something, I was sure Luna kept her mouth shut.

Instantly dropping the topic, Luna said nothing further on the matter. Instead, she reached out and took my hand into her own, which caused a few giggles to burst from the third years in the room who were heatedly gossiping only a few moments ago, even more so when Luna entered the common room. I wondered why they were Ravenclaws as I felt a bit awkward by her gesture, but she appeared to be leading me somewhere. That had to be good, right? I just hoped she had no intention of leading me towards Neville.

Descending several flights of stairs, I soon realized our destination was none other than The Great Hall. To my surprise, The Great Hall looked a bit different, or at least the stone wall on the left side of the entrance. Written there in letters, which appeared black in nature, as if one had burned them into the wall, was the words "Dumbledore's Army is still recruiting". My mouth dropped open, only to be pulled right back up and formed into a smile. Dumbledore's Army was one of the best things to ever happen during my years at Hogwarts, and during my sixth year, there had been talk of reforming the group. Harry had no intention of doing so, which left the group disassembled. However, with Harry not here, apparently someone wanted to start up again, and had chosen to do so by the wording "is still" in their sentence.

Luna glanced up at me with a dreamy smile which broadened as soon as she noticed the huge grin plastered across my own face. While I had typical teenage issues to deal with in regards to Neville and Savannah, this one moment was going to define a few of us forever. "Neville wants to start Dumbledore's Army again. Are you in?" Luna asked, her grin turning almost mischievous. A part of her had this planned. I knew that now.

"Of course!" I exclaimed before laughing whole-heartedly at the prospect of being apart of something so special once more. While I didn't exactly fit in according to the standards of certain people, Dumbledore's Army gave hope to students who fell outside the norms. We belonged, and the thought of starting it all back up again, to defend ourselves in these dark times and be united once more, how could I say no?

Even with Savannah and I not being on the best of terms, I knew she would want to rejoin as well since the two of us had a blast last time. We knocked each other's socks off so many times we lost count and laughed every single time at how stupid we looked falling straight on our arses. Maybe with Dumbledore's Army back in the picture, Savannah and I might move past our heated spat, no matter how much her words hurt me at the moment. Then there was Neville, who probably placed the words on the wall. He would lead us, and while I still felt upset about his question and him possibly liking Luna, this gave me the opportunity to try and move past all of this. At least something good had come from this day.

"I'm in." I smiled down at Luna before turning my eyes up towards the wall once more and absorbing the words and their powerful meaning. They gave me strength and made me feel as if the rest didn't matter at the moment.


	5. Chapter 5: Amends

Ever since I gazed upon those words on the wall when Luna showed them to me, I waited impatiently for my Dumbledore's Army coin to activate, to signal our return and our first meeting. A week had passed and yet our coins did not activate. For the shortest of times, I believed Luna or whoever wrote the words may have been playing a trick on me, but no one would go to great lengths to play that kind of a trick on someone. The only people I ever heard of doing such elaborate pranks was the Weasley Twins, and they had long left Hogwarts to create their own successful shop. No one at Hogwarts now had the guts to do such a thing, and so my thoughts were purely my own. Besides, no way would Luna ever lower herself to such standards, or devise some schemes. She may be a bit naïve and in her own world, but that's precisely why she didn't have the nerve to do something, especially to me. Everyone pulled pranks on her, not the other way around.

In fact, I hadn't spoken to Neville since he asked me the question in the library, same with Savannah and our fight. While I waited for the activation, I had only spoken to Luna throughout the days while I attended classes and completed my homework assignments on time. Even then, conversations with Luna were limited. With Luna off in her own little world, and spending time with Ginny and Neville, I didn't exactly speak to her during those instances, but it did occur to me that the best way to speak to all of them would be to simply come to my senses, but a stubborn streak was in me. I couldn't apologize because I did nothing wrong. Neville was the idiot in this situation, and until he came to his senses, I had no intention of speaking to him, the same with Savannah.

I couldn't sit around and wait forever for something to happen, so I attended classes regularly. Wearing my regular Ravenclaw school robes, I entered History of Magic and sat down in the back of the class. First of all, I really hate Professor Binns. He sits - well he hovers - and rambles on about the most pointless events in all of magical history. No one cares about troll wars or anything equally boring, yet he expects us to write essays two or three feet long on events he talks about for brief moments in time. I'm sure today will be no different then any other day, so I choose to sit in the back, arriving early compared to everyone else. Only a couple of other students are sitting there, and they already look half asleep. One in particular is reading some form of book, probably nothing education though.

As I sat there, I stare into the abyss, thinking of nothing particular. That's when I catch a glimpse of blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. While a lot of students at Hogwarts have blonde hair, none is quite like Savannah's. She is blonde, but with one dark brown streak in the front. She told me she was born that way, and I accepted that information as such, but who really knows. As soon as I saw her, I glanced away, but that did no good. Savannah walked right over to my desk and sat down next to me, plopping her books down on the table with a thud as she looked directly at me. Of course, she had to cause a scene and gain attention from everyone, most importantly, me. This was how she always did things, especially if she was pissed at someone.

"So are you going to keep avoiding me or are you going to pull that stick out of your ass?" Savannah asked in a detestable voice before sitting down right next to me. I thought she had some nerve saying that to me after what she had rudely said to me during our heated spat. It showed on my face too, and I scoffed, unable to help myself.

However, I quickly snapped out of my irritated mood, forcing my face to fall flat and tearing my eyes away from the very sight of her. Turning to the front of the class, I focused my eyes on Binns, and the objects I could see right through his translucent body. If Savannah wanted to play the victim in all of this, then I would simply ignore her like she accused me of. Truthfully, I was avoiding her, but only because I felt she needed to apologize. I had done nothing wrong. She pushed me to try and talk to her about what happened, and then made some insults about me being fat and not trying hard enough. What kind of a best friend did that? No way in hell was I letting her off the hook, and here it was all my fault?

"So now you're going to just give me the silent treatment? That's real mature, Gen." Savannah snapped at me, and I could sense by the tone of her voice and how she was acting that she probably rolled her eyes at me too. That's just the way Savannah worked. I, on the other hand, managed to remain calm and began listening to Binns. At least with the start of class, Savannah would quiet down and lay off a bit for risk of getting in trouble, even if Binns was just a ghost. He still had the ability to assign detention though.

Sitting through Binns class was complete and utter torment. Not only did I have to take notes on the Elf Wars, I had to force myself to not glance over at Savannah every waking minute of the class that dragged on. By the time it was all over, I nearly wanted to call a truce and head back to my dorm just to get started on the essay Binns assigned us. Unfortunately, Savannah stood up as I placed my things back in my bag and started to throw a childish fit.

"You're really not going to move past this are you?" She questioned me, which nearly caused me to laugh. I could move past it if she simply apologized.

Shoving the rest of my belongings into my bag and tossing it over my shoulder, I stood up and stared at her directly, my eyes piercing into her very own. "Should I even try? It's not as if I try to lose weight or do anything, you know." I rolled my eyes, my voice oozing with sarcasm as I tried to dart for the door. No luck though. Savannah started to follow after me. She didn't know when to call it quits and give up, that was for sure.

"Oh come on. You know I didn't mean any of those things I said!" She exclaimed as I slowed down since I knew there was no point in trying to run from her. Savannah was faster than me, skinnier than me, and quite capable of outrunning me if I even dared try to run, which I wouldn't. Fat people didn't belong running, which was another thing people often commented on. They tried to get me to do things that involved running, and when I said fat people don't run, they looked at me quizzically. Long story, but back to the point.

I heard Savannah's footsteps behind me, so instead of avoiding the inevitable, I turned right around and glared daggers at her. "You don't get it do you? You're supposed to be my best friend and you said something that I never expected you to say. Then you show no remorse like it's no big deal. At least when I brought up you spending too much time with Alex, I was being honest." I lowered my voice instead of shouting like a lunatic in the middle of the hallway for all those around me to listen in and see. I had enough common sense to not cause debacles for rumors and gossip to spread around the school like wildfire, and trust me when I say it would.

Savannah stood there in shock, her face full of guilt, even if she would never admit it. Her shoulders slouched, her eyes cast towards the floor before finding the courage to look at me once more. "Fine. I'm sorry," she uttered quietly and in that moment, I knew that would be as close to an apology as I would get, even if it did sound a bit forced and insincere. "Besides, I broke up with Alex."

Okay. That one I did not see coming from a mile away. One minute we're having fights about her spending too much time with him, and the next she's not even dating him. While I didn't think it was due to me saying anything, perhaps I was wrong. "Why? Why aren't you dating him anymore?" I asked, my own shock sinking in, plus I was darn right curious.

Savannah began walking so I followed suit, wanting, no, needing to hear her response. "Well, he started to say funny things lately, talking about how purebloods are better, and that Voldemort might not be as bad as people make him out to be. I tried to voice my opinion, and he looked like he might hit me. I just - I think he might be a Death Eater or loyal to Voldemort." She sounded rather scared, or at least upset and hurt by this revelation.

I never saw this coming, not even from a mile away. Alex seemed like a nice guy, at least from the little time I spent with him while Savannah was in the same room. To hear such news, my stomach began to churn and I wanted to vomit at the thought of a Voldemort loyalist sitting at the same table with me, even doing unthinkable things with my best friend. To think she dated such an idiot nearly forced me to slap her, but how could she have known? Hormones made people do crazy things, especially those in love, and while I have no idea if Savannah actually loved him, the possibility crossed my mind, and if not, the infatuation was still there. In that very moment though, I realized that my own infatuation had gotten the best of me when it came to Neville. At least I knew he had no loyalty towards Voldemort and that monster's cause.

"That's horrible! I'm glad you dumped him then. We will just have to be extra careful if he chooses to retaliate." I had no intention of trying to scare Savannah, but we had to be prepared for him to seek revenge after the breakup. If he was smart, he would leave her alone, knowing she had friends to back him up, but by the sounds of it lately, Alex could have a whole army to back him up in a heartbeat if he truly did seek revenge.

"Doubtful. He started to sound bored of me. If he takes me breaking up with him as bad, then he's a dumbass because I gave him an out." Savannah shrugged and that's when she picked up on the we part of my response. "What do you mean we?" Her eyebrow quirked.

"Like I'm not going to have your back. Come on." I rolled my eyes with a grin, and just like that, the two of us were back to normal. That was the longest amount of time we had ever gone without speaking to each other, but at this very moment, I could care less. I was glad to have my best friend back, of all things. Now all I had to do was figure out a way to make things right with Neville.

As if by some miracle, Savannah brought him up next, a huge smile gaping on her face after we had just made up, but probably more so due to what she had to tell me. "Glad to hear it, but you might want to go kiss and make up with Neville." She nudged me with her shoulder and nearly gaped at her in shock. How the hell did she know about any of this? I hadn't spoken to her in a week or more, and Luna would never tell her. If Neville told her anything, I was going to be pissed at him and reconsider this whole amends thing.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I played dumb for the time being, praying to Merlin she might be just guessing and actually knew nothing. Regardless, my heart started to race in fear she might know I liked Neville. While I had nothing to be ashamed of, the thought of Savannah taunting me did not rank high on my Bucket List, you know, if I actually had one.

Now Savannah rolled her eyes at me and placed a hand on her right hip as if daring me to say that once more. She knew I was lying, but we had been best friends for so long that it was kind of hard not to know when the other was telling a big fat fib. "Yeah, okay then," she mocked me before continuing. "Is that why Neville came to me, telling me all about how you were avoiding him? He mentioned something or another about you abruptly leaving the library after he asked you a simple question. What was that question again?" She asked while placing a finger to her chin, her eyes turning upward as if trying to place the question he had asked. I knew this was just her trying to mock me though. "Oh, that's right. He mentioned something about asking you if Luna liked him. Kind of a shame you ran off since he doesn't even like Luna as more than a friend." Savannah confessed, shrugging her shoulders as if what she just mentioned was no big deal.

Stopping in my tracks once more, I gaped at Savannah, my mouth half open. "How do you know this? What are you talking about?" I asked rapidly in precession, needing answers this very moment. The two of us now stood there in the hallway, a few people walking around us and glancing at us like we were annoying idiots for blocking their paths. Can't say I blamed them.

Savannah's face lit up with amusement, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. I hated it when she did this, trying to drag out her explanation to keep a person on the edge of her seat. If I ever did meet an attention whore, it had to be her. She soaked it up like a sponge left in the sink for too long with a pile of dishes, collecting water to the point it soaked in with no absorbency left. "He told me what he asked you and explained the only reason he even asked it was because he thought Luna liked him and it bothered him a bit. He just assumed the two of you being friends, you might know. Then he muttered on about how he didn't want Luna to be a leader in the D.A. if she liked him because it might be awkward."

Well, that explained more than I wanted to know, but it did answer a lot of questions. Apparently he had no interest in Luna as more than a friend, and now I felt quite foolish about my behavior, hence that being more than I wanted to know. I felt stupid for not giving Neville a chance to explain, but my anger and hurt feelings had gotten the best of me. At least now I knew the truth, or the truth from Savannah's perspective. While I appreciated her telling me this, a part of me didn't want to believe it, simply because she explained it to me. How did I know she wasn't lying? I knew that was a ridiculous thought too, but with our argument, I had no idea if it was revenge. Considering she tried to apologize, I needed to drop that thought.

"I feel like such an arse now," I admitted out loud, staring down at the ground as a huge breath of air escaped my lungs. Guilt coursed through me, but I had to forget about it. All I could do was try to make amends with Neville somehow, and I just had to think of that somehow.

"I'm sure he will get over it," Savannah reassured me, placing a hand on my shoulder as we began to walk again. "Besides, I think he's smitten with you." Another huge grin plastered across her face as her arm fell back to her side. She enjoyed this far too much.

"I'll just have to find a way to talk to him eventually." I sighed, my fears starting to overwhelm me a bit too much, so I chose to change the subject. Anything to get my mind off of this mess I had made. "So does this mean we're back to being best friends again?" I asked.

A grin pulled at the side of Savannah's lips, beaming with amusement and joy as we walked down the hallway together like we had done so many times throughout the years. "Always." She responded and then the two of us went back to our different dorms. At least now I had one person back in my life. Now I had to figure out how to get Neville back and on speaking terms. By the sounds of his concern, I didn't think it would be too hard, but I felt like such an arse. Only time would tell if he forgave me and I would have him and Savannah back in my life.


	6. Chapter 6: Insults and Breakdowns

There it rested on the table, taunting me with it's chocolaty goodness as I sat at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall. My eyes focused on it, staring it down like a predator about to pounce on its prey. While I felt half full to begin with, this piece of chocolate cake taunted me for quite some time now. I wasn't entirely full, and wanted dessert, but with being overweight, I debated whether or not to eat it. I guess a part of what Savannah said to me still rung through my head, that perhaps she was right about not trying. I had this theory in life though, that if I worried too much about what if, that I would miss the good things in life, and this piece of chocolate cake looked good right about now. I knew it would taste good, just like all the other food at Hogwarts tasted good and prevented me from losing weight too.

To be honest, I sometimes ate more when I felt stressed or under too much pressure. Not yet having fixed anything with Neville, I felt that weighing down on me. The longer I waited, the likelier it was he wouldn't forgive me for my behavior. I knew he was sitting at the Gryffindor table right now too, having seen him enter sometime after I arrived with Luna. The two of us sat there, her eating her pudding while I stared down this cake, and I felt guilty for simply staring at it. I needed it though, to eat this piece of cake. I would feel better, the chocolate sweetness cheering me up already.

Digging my fork into the cake and picking up a reasonably sized piece, I started to lift it to my open mouth when someone shouted at me from the table across from Ravenclaw. It had to be a Gryffindor by the looks of it, even though some students sat at different tables in order to be with friends, yet I always sat at Ravenclaw to be with Luna since she had hardly any friends, or so it seemed outside of Ginny and Neville, and maybe Savannah if she counted. Savannah only spent time with Luna due to me though, so I didn't think that exactly counted.

"That's right! It's not going to eat itself, you fatass!" The Gryffindor insulted me rather loudly, at least enough for other students to start laughing as they overheard. While sometimes insults didn't bother me, this one did by all means. I had done nothing wrong, even if I stared down this piece of chocolate cake. I had every right to take my time considering there were so many desserts to choose from, but to be insulted like this, in the middle of lunch with more students around then at breakfast time, that threw me off. Plus, I had no idea who this kid was, up until I noticed he was sitting with Alex and some other people. Now I started to realize why Savannah disliked him. Even though Alex had not said it himself, I had the distinct feeling this boy chose to say such things to me due to Alex knowing who I was when he dated Savannah.

Even though the insult caught me off guard, I had heard worse things. Throughout the years I had heard almost every fat insult in the book, even a few I had never heard of, but never called out like this, at least not that I recalled. If I had been, I just didn't remember. Either way, I figured the best way to move on was to ignore this boy and simply eat the bite of cake. Placing it in my mouth, the decadent chocolate fluttered over my taste buds, allowing me to absorb every ounce of the cocoa that had gone into this wonderful concoction. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine the House Elves making it, using the best of chocolates since the school often used the best of everything for their culinary creations, or so I referred to them. It wasn't just food to eat, but truly artwork, and the House Elves needed to get mad props for their work. They were underappreciated though, quite like myself and these fools who teased me.

"I've actually heard of cakes eating themselves. It's quite rare, but it does happen." Luna uttered from out of nowhere, glancing over at the boys quite dreamily as if she were speaking to them directly.

Swallowing down the cake, my instant moment of relief and happiness was torn away once more. With my awful luck today, the boys had heard Luna's every word and started laughing, even a couple of girls sitting close to the boys. "You hear that?" The same boy from before questioned his friends in amusement. "Loony Lovegood is defending the fat bitch!" The whole group burst into laughter and I didn't get what was so funny. It's not as if his insult was actually original.

However, one of the girls sitting next to the boys had to chime in and add to their nonsense. "They're probably uber dykes! The psycho bitch and the fat ass can't get anyone else, so they shack up together because they can't get a real man!" She exclaimed, a look of pure evil crossing her face while the boys burst into further laughter.

Having enough, I didn't bother to even wait for Luna as I stood up from the table and exited the Great Hall slowly. I didn't want to just run out of there and give them the benefit of knowing I was upset, although getting up to leave said enough to them. As I left, one of the boys shouted another insult at me. "You forgot your cake, lard-o! Oh wait, it's already gone to your ass!"

As I exited the Great Hall and ventured into one of the hallways, it felt like I couldn't breathe. My chest tightened, my breath becoming short as tears threatened near the surface. I could feel them, the extra wetness to my eyes just waiting to let me set them free. I didn't want that, to let those boys get the best of me, to let them know I had cried because of their insults. Normally I took everything with a grain of salt, but I just couldn't. I had done nothing wrong at all, and here they were teasing me, ridiculing me about my weight. People needed to leave me alone and just let me be, because outside of Hogwarts someday, none of this mattered. We would all be different people, hopefully changed people, and whether I was fat or skinny just wouldn't mattered. Even though I told myself that, I knew it wouldn't be true for everyone. Some people would still care about my weight, some would still hate me for it, even though I couldn't help it.

Almost ready for my tears to fall down my cheeks, that's when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I prayed to Merlin it was not one of those boys, or even that girl coming back for more. I hesitated, not wanting the person to see my glassy eyes if they were to ridicule me more, but I had to face them. Slowly turning, my watery eyes fell upon Neville. Oh please help me. I hadn't apologized to him yet and lacked the courage to do so, yet now I looked like a complete and utter mess in front of him. No wonder he hadn't spoken to me, even though I had avoided him. Messes didn't exactly attract boys.

I knew shock hovered over my face, along with the hurt. Then I realized Neville must have heard what the boys and one girl had so rudely said to me because he was in Gryffindor. "Are you alright? I wouldn't let them get to you." He smiled sympathetically, his hand still on my shoulder. I always depicted Neville as a shy guy, not the type to walk up to someone and offer support.

Then again, he probably didn't expect people to have a nervous breakdown right in front of him when offering that support either. "Some of it is true. I'm fat! They're just stating the obvious! I'm a bad friend too! I've been avoiding you, and I'm sorry!" I exclaimed all at once, having to inhale deeply in order to catch my breath, the tears starting to fall now. I sniffed, trying to wipe at my eyes before it became out of control. The wetness on my cheeks lingered with the coolness from the castle though.

"So what? So what if you're fat or a bad friend. I'm a dork, Luna's, well, she's Luna, Hermione is a bookworm, and Harry's faced with unthinkable odds. We all have flaws, we're all messed up, so if you think you're the only one in this entire school who's not perfect, you're highly mistaken." Neville's hand slipped away from my shoulder, my body already missing the comforting heat, even more so with his lecture he just gave me. He was right. Everyone in this school had problems, perhaps a few more then others, but I was whining and carrying on, even if his lecture was not reminding me of it.

However, as I almost opened my mouth to say something, my sentence was cut off by none other then Neville's lips. My eyes went wide in shock, but closed in a matter of seconds as I kissed him back. Apparently the chocolate cake was not the comfort I needed, but the lips of Neville Longbottom pressed against mine. For a brief moment I thought maybe he did this to silence me, but that's when I realized he had been the one carrying on a moment ago, not me. Just as soon as his lips were on mine though, they were gone, and I was left with a lingering for more. I stood there, my eyes closed momentarily before I opened them.

Neville stood there before me, rather nervous after he kissed me. I had to admit, I found it rather adorable, and wanted to kiss him again, but my mind raced with questions about this situation. Why did he kiss me? Did he like me? Maybe him kissing me meant that he did. "Why did you kiss me and why would you even like me?" I asked rather bluntly, probably from the shock of it all.

A small smile spread across Neville's lips, those lips that were pressed against mine only seconds ago. "Why not?" He questioned me, and it brought a smile to my own face as well. In a matter of a couple of minutes, I had gone from crying to smiling because of him. That proved magic existed in the world outside of wands and spells.

At this point, I did have a ton of questions coursing through my head. Did Neville want to be more than friends? Of course, it seemed like such a silly question because he just kissed me, but some people were strange like that. Displays of affection were nothing to them, although Neville didn't seem like the type to kiss a girl and have it mean nothing. I thought maybe we should talk about this, but instead I chose to apologize sincerely for my behavior like I should have days ago. "I really am sorry for avoiding you. I just thought you liked Luna, and quite frankly, I was a bit envious about it." I confessed, which basically admitted I liked him and had feelings for him beyond friendship.

Neville's features softened as if he felt touched by my apology. "Now you know I don't like Luna as more then a friend, or at least you should with the kiss and all," he reassured me, his hand reaching up to scratch the back of his neck with nervousness. Ironic considering a moment ago he had the courage to kiss me in the middle of the hallway where anyone could see, and surely a few students had. "Maybe I should have mentioned something sooner, but I'm not exactly good at this sort of thing." Now I felt back to normal. Neville's own insecurity returned and I felt as if we were on the same level. One moment he built up my insecurities, the next moment he laid his right out there. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I liked Neville the most. He was anything but high maintenance and real with people at all times. No lies. No bullshit.

"Then you should understand exactly why I think no boys would ever like me. It's not like I've ever had a boy come up to me and say he liked me as more then a friend until now because most boys are repulsed by me. But we can study again now!" I exclaimed, sounding like Savannah in that one moment, but I had to lighten the mood just a bit before things became too serious.

"That reminds me," Neville started, "With the D.A. getting back together, I was wondering if you would like to help be involved somehow like teaching?" He asked, changing the subject, but so did I, and I was grateful for it. Still, he caught me a bit off guard with the offer. I didn't consider my skills to be that great in the way of spells the last time around, and for him to make such an offer, I wondered if he truly meant it or asked because he liked me. Then again, I am in Ravenclaw.

"I'm not sure what I have to offer, but I can try to help as much as possible." I smiled at him brightly, letting him know I wasn't turning his offer down completely, but just stating that I might not be able to help much at all. It's not that I sucked terribly with spells, unlike Neville, not to say he was horrible at spells, but if I remembered correctly from the last time Dumbledore's Army banded together two years ago, Neville had quite a hard time learning and completing spells. He had improved greatly though, and I admired his bravery. I, on the other hand, knew quite a few spells, it was just other things I didn't feel so great at.

"Okay, well, we can discuss it during out study sessions if we come up with ideas. Can I walk you back to your dorm though?" Neville asked so politely that it made me smile once more. He was so darn sweet besides kind and handsome.

"Sure." I beamed with joy, it written all over my face with the huge smile, that undoubtedly, probably made my face, especially my cheeks, look chubbier than ever. I was sure Neville didn't care one bit after everything that just transpired between the two of us. Still, I was pleased, and starting to feel a bit better. Only a short time ago Savannah and I had made up and renewed our friendship, now Neville and I were, well, I had no idea what to call it. We didn't label it, and honestly, I liked it quite a bit. Labels tended to ruin things in the long run.

Once I agreed, the two of us began walking towards the Ravenclaw common room, having an idle conversation about nothing in particular. We had a bit to catch up on with studies and homework, discussing how boring it was and how the professors still assigned too much homework. I couldn't help but think how hard it would be to juggle the work load, Dumbledore's Army, and a possible boyfriend. At least things were starting to look up.


End file.
